I know, I know.
First things first, my good old trusty Dell decided to spit the dummy. Enter the new love of my life, my Macbook Pro.
She's a sexy little bitch, but is yet to be named. Thoughts?
On top of my computer dying, I've done a whole lot of eating on Tuesday nights, checking out some gigs and tossing around the idea for a few more changes in my life.
Now, lets get it a bit straight, i'm not unhappy I am just ... unsatisfied.
TBD, who seems to get mentioned here more than anyone else for some odd reason, worded it perfectly as, 'a vague sense of disappointment'. Not in one thing, all things or anything. It's just there and I need a change, in something.
Dating has been purposefully uneventful. Is that what's missing? I hope not.
Work is as busy as ever and I still find it challenging, which I need.
Friendship, I am overwhelmed ... as usual. Although I have been having subtle bitch-fights with my closest girlfriend. Who am I kidding, Elle and I are are never subtle in anything we do. So it is often drawn out bitchy aggression, which of course is not ideal.
Family, well my mother is my mother, nothing out of the usual.
What more is there? Do I need another degree? Probably, I like school.I also need a permanent job that will pay for my degree...
Do I need a month of intensive yoga? Yea, that would be nice. Can I do it in Perth? Nope, I would succumb to the lure of alcohol here in Perth. I need a month in India. Can I afford it? No. See macbook purchase and recent trip to the US.
What can I do, today, tonight, right effing now? Well, I can go to more bikram yoga. I can walk to work, it reminds me that I live in a proper city. I can write, more. I can work really hard. Learn some new recipes, genres, ect.
So here we go, I am going to be a walking to work, yoga taking, sushi making, blog writing, workaholic. Don't I sound fun?
What I have to not do is get too caught up the emotional fuckedness of the ex. Not Bear, not TBD, but Cyanide. I haven't mentioned him here before, I guess you save the best for last.
Now when I say best, I don't mean that in the most positive way, more in the entertaining light. He was and still is a pretty big fuckwit. Regardless, a fuckwit I love. I think ... no wait, I know. I do love him, on some level.
After almost three years of off again, on again, not talking, only talking, loving, hating this emotional rollercoaster is going to stop. I have no choice ... he's going. Leaving. for. good.itisnotajokethistime. whoa.
This week. fuck.
So yes, not the best week to realize I need to make a change.
This overall feeling of feeling of disappointment isn't about Cyanide, but him leaving doesn't help.
Fuck.
Comments